Some Tips to Help You Stop Snoring

When I was in college, the guy in the room next to mine snored so loudly that the wall in between acted like a great woofer and actually amplified the sound into my room. Each night I'd be jarred into semi-consciousness by the clamor, awakened from my recurring dream of bedding Tawny Kitaen atop an apple-red Jaguar parked in an elephant seal rookery.

If you're a snorer, your wife is either lucky enough to be able to sleep through the din, or she's strong-filled enough to keep herself from going Cuckoo's Nest on you with a pillow every night. Do your wife a favor, hell, do the neighbors a favor and do whatever it takes to stop that infernal racket.

First of all, do not be one of those snorers who deny that he snores. What possible motivation could your wife have to lie about something like that? She's got plenty of real things to nag you about. There's no need to make up items to add to the list. If she says you snore, then you snore. The best way to start solving the problem is to tell her to shove you over on your side whenever you're snoring. She should not hesitate at all to give you a sharp jab to the solar plexus whenever the snoring begins.

Along those same lines, you should try to sleep on your side, or at least try turning your head if you sleep on your back. Since snoring is often caused by the sagging of the throat muscles when they relax, you may want to try propping up your head a bit higher to mitigate the effects of gravity. (By the way, astronauts do not snore, since gravity does not exist in space.) Drinking can cause further relaxation and inflammation of these muscles, which is why we often snore when sleeping off an all-night bender. You may also be more prone to snoring if you're overweight, so try and trim down a bit and see if that helps. You should also know that eating before bed can cause snoring, but following a good diet should keep you from eating late at night. And, of course, smoking can only make things worse, so here's yet another good reason to quit.

If none of these things helps, consult your doctor. You may have a potentially dangerous condition called sleep apnea, which can cause you to stop breathing for several seconds through the night. Or you may have a chronic sinus condition that exacerbates the problem. Regardless, your doctor should be able to provide any number of medications, devices, and other possible solutions.