How to Connect With an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man is like learning how to gain the trust of a beaten dog:

One of my dogs, Pumpkin, is a li’l feisty chihuahua I found one morning under a car by my house. She was covered in fleas and very frightened. I brought her into my home and she became my third furry, canine companion. She was not, however, the sweet, eager-to-please pup that dog lovers cherish. She was growly, distrusting and distant. She didn’t allow my other dogs near her. One of my dogs is a li’l macho Jack Russell terrier mix and he’s a real bruiser. My other dog is a sweet hearted chihuahua mix who is very polite and doesn’t know a stranger. Li’l Pumpkin warmed up right away to my chihuahua mix and not to my Jack Russell mix. Why? Because my Chihuahua mix invited Pumpkin to come closer, as opposed to my Jack Russell mix who constantly tried to bruise his way into her space.

If you are loving an emotionally unavailable man who remains at a distance, isn’t emotionally open, and who has admitted distrust in women, it’s best you extend an unspoken invitation to know you and come close instead of try to “pull” love out of him like fingers from a Chinese finger cuff. Just like a Chinese finger cuff, his love will resist your advances.

How do you invite an emotionally unavailable man to come closer?

You do 2 things: you sit on your hands and you remain emotionally open to receiving his love.

Everything has to be on his terms as far as how close he comes to you. Wanting to see you, be around you, hold you, know you, caress you, let you inside his heart and soul… it’s all got to be on his clock or he won’t trust you and will even feel resentful. If you can handle this dynamic where he is in control of the speed of the relationship and you want to further pursue a connection, it’s best you stop yourself every time you want to shorten the gap between you both. So no: calling him, touching him to force a connection, seducing him with sexy texts and photos, inviting him to concerts of his favorite band…

Instead, you let him come to you. You remain PATIENT and wait for him to call, invite you somewhere, touch you, ask you questions about yourself… You let him create the safe place with you instead of you forcing him to feel safe in a way that will never make him feel comfortable feeling safe.

Now… when he does come toward you, you have to be open to his advances. This doesn’t mean you have to always be happy with every measly morsel he hesitantly dishes out. You can still be upset at him for not having called or having dismissed your feelings about something. You just have to make sure that when you open up about negative feelings, you are still making room for him to come closer. You are still allowing him to make good on his mistakes and to comfort you. So no blaming, no silent treatment, no screaming, no foot-stomping, no pouting…

If he doesn’t want to hear your feelings or doesn’t care about your feelings (out of a sense of rejection or simply out of selfish indifference) you have to still remain firm in not rewarding him for bad behavior. In other words, if he ignores your feelings, you don’t do or say anything loving back! Even if he ignores you for weeks afterward! You simply wait, siting on your hands for as long as if takes, for him to approach you again, and, if you are still upset, AGAIN you state your feelings. This will show him that you are not a pushover and this will make him see that loving you requires accountability and structure.

Accountability and structure will actually make him feel more trusting of you and safer to come closer.

If he comes toward you in a loving way and you are happy to see him and have his attention, then you have to “MELT” into his advances. Say “thank you” to his compliments, or “mmm. that’s so yummy” when he touches you in a way that feels yummy. It’s a reward system where you are rewarding him with appreciation and love when he does something good for you and your relationship.

Loving an emotionally unavailable man is difficult. It’s wearing on your soul and it can end up hurting you a lot. Many unavailable men cheat or find ways to always stay distant emotionally. Some never fully feel comfortable coming close, even when they trust you. This is because closeness is so foreign for them, it’s uncomfortable to the point of irritable and they would rather just end up doing what feels more natural.

Some men ARE capable of real closeness and true intimacy. They just need a li’l inspiration to get back to that place. Sometimes a man comes on strong and then backs out and we label him a commitment-phobe. But that isn’t always true. He may just not have the tools to communicate what he needs and why things aren’t working for him so he just backs away silently instead.

How Long Does it Take Hemorrhoids to Heal? The Answers You Need

Are you suffering from painful, itchy, swollen, bleeding, embarrassing hemorrhoids? Wondering just how long does it take hemorrhoids to heal so you can get on with your life? In this article, we’ll discuss what they are, how long it takes to heal them, and steps you can take to prevent them from ever happening again.

What Are Hemorrhoids?

Hemorrhoids are pockets or sacs inside the anal canal that have become irritated, inflamed and swollen. If they are internal, you may not know you have them until you have bright spots of blood in the toilet or on your toilet tissue. If they are external, you may notice painful, tender lumps around the anus, as well as bleeding, itching, and soreness during bowel movements.

If you have not had your condition diagnosed by a professional, you need to know that the same symptoms can indicate anal fissures, an irritated anus, polyps or even cancer. It is very important that you get a proper medical diagnosis rather than using self-diagnosis whenever there is internal bleeding involved.

How Long Does It Take Hemorrhoids To Heal?

Depending on the type and severity of the condition, you may stop feeling symptoms as soon as a few days (internal) or a few weeks (external). In most cases, the problem is rectified by your body’s natural healing process.

However, for about 10% of sufferers, medical intervention is needed because symptoms don’t go away on their own and incidences are recurring. Possible treatment options include:

  • Rubber Band Ligation, a tying-off of the inflamed selling to shrink it.
  • Cryotherapy, a freezing of the affected area.
  • Laser Surgery, which burns the pile
  • Stapling, which anchors them in place where they should be naturally

Preventing Future Flare-Ups

Once you’ve found relief, you probably never want to experience the pain and suffering of piles again. So what can you do to prevent future flare-ups?

Reduce Sitting Time Try to ‘go’ as soon as you get the urge, so that you train your body to have regular and efficient bowel movements. Sitting for long periods of time and straining adds to the pressure on the veins in the rectum, contributing to the problem.

Change Your Eating Habits If you’re not getting enough fiber and enough water, now is the time to make a change. Gradually increase your fiber intake to 25 grams a day. This means eating leafy green vegetables, and fiber-rich fruits such as strawberries and apricots. In addition, try sprinkling bran on your morning breakfast to increase your intake that way too.

If you can’t face changing your eating habits, add a commercial supplement to your diet such as Metamucil (r). Just be sure to drink plenty of water with it or you’ll be doing yourself more harm than good!

Exercise More You likely exercise a little, but it’s important to exercise regularly to increase circulation, keep weight in check, and strengthen veins and arteries. This change helps your whole body function better, and helps with piles as well.

If you’d like information on remedies that can help you while you’re suffering and wondering how long does it take hemorrhoids to heal, visit my website, where I review popular treatments and let you know which all-natural solution I’ve found that works for me and thousands of other former sufferers.

Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment of Twisted Ovarian Cyst

Twisted ovarian cyst, also known as “ovarian torsion,” occurs when an ovarian cyst twists on its stalk cutting off or restricting blood supply to the cyst, the ovary and at times to the fallopian tubes. The ovaries have two sources of blood supply, venous and arterial, and when torsion occurs to an ovary the blood returning from the ovary through the vein is reduced. Cysts that are larger than 4 centimeters are more likely to twist. A cyst that is accompanied by a tumor has a greater potential of twisting. It usually happens in one ovary at a time though it can affect both ovaries simultaneously. It can occur in women irrespective of age, but it’s more common in women under the age of 30 and at times it happens to pregnant women. In rare cases, a twisted ovarian cyst occurs as a result of complications of IVF treatment.

Symptoms – The symptoms can be vague and similar to that of other medical conditions like appendicitis, ectopic pregnancy and ruptured corpus luteum cyst. These symptoms can include pelvic pain, severe pain in the lower abdomen, nausea and vomiting.

Diagnosis – Twisted ovarian cyst can be diagnosed with laboratory tests but these are not too reliable as the results can be confused with leukocytosis, which is an abnormal increase in the number of white blood cells in the blood as a result of infection. Ultrasound with color Doppler analysis is a preferred method of diagnosis as it shows changes in the nature of an ovary. The best method is laparoscopy which involves making small incisions around the belly button and inserting a laparoscope into the abdomen which will reveal the image of what is going on inside on a screen so it is more definite.

Treatment – A twisted ovarian cyst is treated through surgery, using laparoscopy or laparotomy. Depending on the extent of the torsion, the ovary can be untwisted, but if the twist is too extensive the ovary will have to be removed.

Complications – If a twisted ovarian cyst is not taken care of quickly blood supply into and out of the ovary may be cut off resulting in the death of ovarian tissue, (ovarian necrosis). When ovarian necrosis occurs it affects fertility because dead ovarian tissue cannot produce eggs and without eggs pregnancy, of course, cannot take place. When ovarian necrosis has occurred the ovary will definitely need to be removed. If only one ovary is removed, pregnancy is still possible though it reduces the chances of conception thereby limiting fertility.

Ovarian torsion can also cause blood clotting in the ovarian blood vessels which could result in even further complications.

Itchy Vagina? Reasons for Vaginal Itching and How You Can Gain Relief

Some Reasons for Vaginal Itching include:

Synthetic Clothing

Clothes made from synthetic (man-made) fibres such as polyester, rayon and nylon do not allow your skin to ‘breathe’. Breathe in this context means air moving around the vaginal areas. These synthetic materials – especially when made into tight-fitting panties, can cause moisture to build up on the surface of the skin they cover. This moist skin rubbing against itself or against clothing can cause itching and redness. Wearing panties made from natural fibres such as cotton can help to keep your vaginal areas drier.

Chafing Caused During Sex

Many women become itchy in and around the vagina after sex, mostly due to chafing caused during sex. Chafing often happens during intercourse when pubic hair rubs against sensitive genital skin. Hair removal can help to prevent this from occurring.

Fungal Infections of the Vagina

Fungal infections, also known as Yeast infection, Candida (Candidiasis) or Thrush are a common cause of intense vaginal itchiness, redness and soreness. Signs of Candida include a white or yellowish “cottage cheese”-like discharge and a “cheese-like” smell. There are many products on the market – both natural and over-the counter (OTC) pharmaceutical products that can help to reduce or eliminate this overgrowth of the naturally occurring fungal microbe, Candida Albicans. If you are in doubt about whether you have a fungal infection of the vagina or not, please see your doctor to be diagnosed.

Bacterial and Other Infections of the Vagina

Bacterial infections such as bacterial vaginosis, and protozoan infections caused by a little parasite called Trichonomas vaginalis can cause itching as well as unpleasant smelling discharge (fishy or like decaying meat), and soreness. If you suspect you may have a bacterial or protozoan infection or do not know what the problem could be, please consult your doctor – antibiotic treatment may be necessary.

Sexually Transmitted Infections

STIs (sexually transmitted infections) can cause itching. Some examples of STIs include chlamydia, gonorrhea and genital herpes. If you suspect you may have an STI, please see a doctor so that it can be properly diagnosed and treated.

How to Relieve Vaginal Itching

There are a number of different types of products on the market for the relief of vaginal itching including:

Local Anaesthetic-Type Creams

Local anaesthetic creams dull the nerve endings around the vagina. These products have a chemical anaesthetic such as benzocaine as their active ingredient. They are recommended for external vaginal use. When the local anaesthetic wears off, the itching often returns because the creams do not contain any ingredients to help resolve the cause of the vaginal itching.

Anti-Fungal Pills, Creams and Pessaries

Anti-fungal products work well if you know you are suffering from a fungal infection. Oral pills generally contain the anti-fungal chemical, Fluconazole. Fluconazole taken orally can affect the whole body, however and not just the vagina. Indiscriminate ‘whole body’ anti-fungal action can cause other microbes such as bacteria to proliferate elsewhere in the body since bacteria are usually kept in a state of natural balance by healthy competition from other microbes.

Antifungal creams and pessaries contain other “-azole” drugs such as Clotrimazole, Miconazole, Tiocinazole and Butoconazole. These pharmaceutical antifungal treatments can be effective for vaginal itching if the itching is caused by Candida microbes. These drugs are ineffective for vaginal itching that is not the result of fungal infections. There can also be problems with antifungal drug treatments when Candida fungal microbes develop resistance to them. Antifungal drugs are becoming ineffective for many women who suffer frequently from Candida infections.

Natural Options to Relieve Vaginal Itching

Douching with tea tree oil

The essential oil of tea tree has been used widely in herbal medicine for the treatment of vaginal itching. Tea tree oil is naturally anti-fungal and anti-bacterial which helps to address the causes of vaginal itching as well as relieving the itch itself. If you plan to use tea tree oil as a douche, you must take care to dilute the oil with water to avoid burning the delicate skin around and inside the vagina. Always test a tiny area of skin on the outside of the vagina first before squirting the mixture inside the vaginal opening.


Always use the unsweetened, natural plain type of yoghurt. Yoghurt contains beneficial “lactobacillus” bacteria – “good bacteria” which may be able to effectively compete with any “bad” microbes that might be causing your discomfort. Yoghurt can be applied directly using clean fingers to the vagina. Eating yoghurt, while beneficial is not going to be directly effective!


Douching with diluted, unfiltered apple cider vinegar can help to restore the correct acidity to your vagina. Be careful to notice whether the itching increases or decreases, however. A vagina that is too acidic is an environment where Candida fungus thrives.

Epsom Salts

Soaking in a sitz bath which contains Epsom salts may help by lowering the acidity of the vagina. Be careful again to notice whether the itching increases or decreases – bacteria loves vaginas that are not acidic enough!

Pet Friendly Destinations – Top 10 International Picks For a Vacation With Your Pet

Thinking of traveling with your pet internationally? Here are the TOP TEN international destinations to travel with your pet, and information that will make entering these countries easy and without quarantine.

We are also including information that will help you pass through immigration with ease if you are visiting another country. Keep in mind that this information is subject to change. You can always send an email to Pet Travel inquiring about the latest requirements for travel to an international destination with your pet.

The travel industry knows that pets mean profits. The airlines also want your business as many as 95% of the world’s airlines will now transport your pet. If your dog or cat is small enough you can even take it in the cabin with you on many airlines.

The grand cities of Europe are all very pet friendly. Here are four countries and cities that deserve to be on the top ten list.

Belgium, France, Switzerland and Italy are four of the most pet friendly countries we have visited. Traveling with your pet in Europe is easy as there are no longer any borders, so you can travel freely. Distances are small between the cities and even between countries. Getting around is easy as almost all European trains, buses and ferries accept pets on board.

PARIS is easily the most pet friendly city we have visited in Europe. You can dine at any of the thousands of sidewalk cafes in Paris, and you will see pets sitting by their masters or under the tables in nearly all of them. What’s more, in this the city of lights well behaved pets can dine inside the restaurant with their owners.

On a Sunday morning you will see well-dressed men and women walking with their very well-groomed pets on a leash out for a Sunday stroll and headed for the nearby park.

Visit the Montmartre district where artists have set up their easels on the sidewalk. For a few francs an artist will create an original painting of your favorite pet.

Immigration into France: To take your pet into France from the United States, Canada, or Mexico, you need just three things. Your pet must be micro chipped with an ISO 15 digit microchip, be vaccinated for rabies, and have the EU form of a veterinary health certificate for France. The immigration officer will just pass you through.

LAKE LUCERNE in Switzerland is well known for its beauty and the quality of its skiing. Rent a chalet for you and your pet near the lifts and you will have a great ski vacation. Just down the street will be a sidewalk cafe with a pet under nearly every table. If your pet does not have a thick coat, you will want to purchase it a nice warm coat to wear.

While visiting Switzerland you will want to see the famous banking capital of Zurich. But Zurich is famous for more than banks it is the home to many of the famous watch makers and chocolatier’s.

Switzerland is one of those countries where pets are just a part of everyday life. Due to its location it is just a short drive in a rental car or by train to either France or Italy.

Immigration into Switzerland: To take your pet into Switzerland from the United States, Canada, or Mexico, you need just three things. Your pet must be micro chipped with an ISO 15 digit microchip, be vaccinated for rabies and have the EU form of a veterinary health certificate for Switzerland. The immigration officer will just pass you through.

BRUSSELS is also on our list of top ten destinations. Although your pet may not be welcome in the museums, it will be welcome almost everywhere else. This is a walking city, and if you stayed for a month you would never run out of different places to visit with your pet. There are magnificent parks everywhere, take a walk through the famous antique flea markets, or stroll into Belgium’s past at Cinquantenaire Park.

Have you ever ridden a Segway? They look like an oversized skate board with a handle and an electric motor. Brussels is famous for the availability of these little devices that will scoot you around the city at a speed suitable for your pet to run alongside.

Brussels is also known for its exotic night life but you will need to hire a pet sitter as pets are not allowed in the night clubs.

Immigration into Belgium: To take your pet into Belgium from Mexico you need just three things. Your pet must be micro chipped with an ISO 15 digit microchip, be vaccinated for rabies and have the EU form of a veterinary health certificate for Belgium. The immigration officer will just pass you through.

MADRID is one of Europe’s oldest cities and worthy of a ranking in our top ten pet friendly places to visit. This is a city of plazas with fountains and statues everywhere. Spaniards love their pets, and they will love yours too if it is well behaved and friendly.

Take your pet on a walk to the Plaza Mayor the so-called “aristocratic centre” of Madrid, home to the stunning Royal Palace, a 17th century monument that combines Baroque and Classical styles. Next to the palace you can find the Plaza de Oriente (square), the Opera House and the modern Almudena Cathedral, consecrated in 1993 by Pope John Paul II.

Another option while visiting Spain is the beautiful Costa del Sol with beautiful white sand beaches running as far as the eye can see. And yes, your pet will be welcome on most of the beaches in the area so if you have a water dog, they will have a chance to sample the warm waters of the Mediterranean.

Immigration into Spain: To take your pet into Spain from the United States, Canada, or Mexico, you need just three things. Your pet must be micro chipped with an ISO 15 digit microchip, be vaccinated for rabies and have the EU form of a veterinary health certificate for Spain. The immigration officer will just pass you through.

The hotels in Europe are much more likely to make your pet welcome as it is such a common practice to take ones pet along on holiday. Or, you can book a lovely home or apartment, which are readily available if you are staying for a week or longer.

PLAYA DEL CARMEN in Mexico is a great destination for the lover of brilliant blue waters and white sand.

My little Shih Tzu named Ruggles and I lived there for a while, and there was virtually no place he was not welcome. If you need exercise there is a small partially outdoor gym where Ruggles would lie in the shade and wait for me. Down at the beach were dozens of small patio restaurants where Ruggles and I would share lunch.

On at least one occasion, we took the deluxe inter-city bus from Playa Del Carmen to Cancun. Ruggles occupied the seat next to me. Not sure if it was legal but no one said a word about it either way.

Nearby by are the Mayan Temples of Chichen-Itza. I do not believe that pets are allowed inside the grounds.

Within two or three kilometers are several caves with underground pools of water. I saw several pets during my visit to these caves.

COSTA RICA is a popular destination for traveling pet owners. Going through customs with your pet is little more than a wave of the hand. If you are looking for exciting gambling and night life, then San Jose is the place for you. There are plenty of pet friendly hotels in the city.

Most people who visit Costa Rica head for the rural areas where tall trees, beautiful birds and magnificent waterfalls are around every corner. Of course, don’t forget the rain forest where the brilliant blue butterflies flitter about the lush vegetation. Accommodations in these areas are less elegant but you will find several who will welcome you and your pet.


To enter pet friendly Costa Rica you will need a certificate of good health indicating that your pet if free from disease and has been properly vaccinated. Dogs must be vaccinated for rabies, distemper, hepatitis, lestospirosis, and parovirus, and cats must be vaccinated for rabies.

Rounding out our top ten favorite pet friendly destinations, we travel to the United States. You can bring your pet into the US with only a health certificate stating that it is healthy and has been vaccinated for rabies.

KEY WEST is probably the most pet friendly city in the States. This small town can only be called “laid back” where life goes at slower place. Your pet will be welcome in virtually every hotel, bed and breakfast and motel in the city. Every restaurant has an outdoor dining area where your pet will be welcome and some restaurants even allow small well behaved pets inside.

I visited the city a few years ago and while Ruggles and I were out for a walk I stopped in front of a somewhat elegant restaurant. I was studying the menu and the maitre de came out to speak to me. I asked if Ruggles would be welcome and his response was: does he like beef or chicken?

THE BIG APPLE – NEW YORK deserves a place on our list. It seems that everyone living in this bustling city has a pet. There are so many that the pet walkers will each have six or eight at one time on leashes out for their morning stroll. Sunday in Central park is doggie heaven. Your pet will meet and greet a hundred other pets during your stroll. Then you can stop at one of the outdoor cafes for “coffee and a roll”.

This is also the city for the elegant hotel and nowhere is pets more welcome than in an elegant hotel. The higher the price of the room, the more welcome the pet. However, there is a wide range of places where your pet will be welcome. Pet Travel lists over a hundred hotels that welcome pets.

A few years ago Ruggles and I stayed at one of the nicer hotels on Central Park. Late in the afternoon I went down to the bar for a cocktail and took Ruggles along. We were sitting in the bar when the manager came in. He gave Ruggles a little pat and said “I would much rather have a well behaved pet in my hotel than a small child who is not well behaved. ” This hotel, like many others, sent a bellman up to my room each morning to take Ruggles for a walk.

Some of the hotels in New York even have room service menus for pets!

ASHEVILLE, North Carolina well deserves a place on the top ten list. More than 50% of the accommodations in Asheville accept pets attesting to its claim as one of America’s most pet friendly cities. For the traveling pet owner who loves golf this is a top choice.

During the summer Asheville features a number of outdoor concerts, street fairs, and festivals where your pet will be welcome.

SAN DIEGO is only a short distance from our border. This metropolitan city on the ocean has not one but two “doggie beaches”. There are hundreds of pet friendly accommodations in the city and in the surrounding areas. On a recent visit with my new pet also a Shih Tzu whose name is Bear; we stayed at the Sophia Hotel which could not have been more pet friendly. The young women who manned the front desk always stopped to talk with Bear and even offered to babysit him.

Each day we walked to one of the dozen or so outdoor cafes for lunch or dinner. Almost the first thing they would do was to bring Bear a bowl of water.


The range of accommodations and traveling options available to the traveling pet owner continues to expand because these businesses recognize the value of your business. However, you have a responsibility to be a courteous and caring pet owner. Don’t let your pet be a nuisance by letting it roam loose or by barking. And, rule number one, be sure to pick up after your pet.

Visiting these pet friendly cities will make for a vacation that you will never forget. Be sure and book your airline tickets early if you are traveling by air. Most of the airlines have a limit to the number of pets per flight. In addition, call or email the pet friendly hotel you are staying in to confirm their pet policies so there will be no surprises at check in. Email us at with any questions. We wish you nothing but happy travels.

Chronic Eczema – Ayurvedic Herbal Treatment

Eczema is a term for a group of afflictions that cause the skin to become inflamed, the most common type being atopic dermatitis. In Ayurveda, eczema is termed as “Vicharchika”. This disease is described as a dark-coloured, raised rash, with profuse discharge, and accompanied by itching. It is believed to be mostly caused by disturbed “Vata” and “Kapha” doshas. The skin, stomach and blood tissue are believed to be closely associated with this disease.

Eczema of recent origin usually responds well to standard treatment like antihistaminics and steroids. Chronic eczema is usually of much longer duration or is recurrent, and in most cases, the offending cause is not known. Standard modern medicine may not be very helpful here. It is in such patients that Ayurvedic herbal treatment may be very useful and effective. One major advantage of Ayurvedic herbal medicines in such an affliction is that medicines may be taken for long periods without any serious side-effects.

For the sake of treatment, many Ayurvedic physicians divide this affliction into wet and dry types, depending upon the presentation of the patient. A detailed history for the symptoms, and a detailed study of the constitutional framework of the patient is essential in deciding the ideal combination of medicines for each patient, so as to get maximum results. Treatment for the impurities caused in the “Rakta” Dhatu, and treatment for stress, are two important principles of treatment which contribute significantly to the success of treatment. Known offending or aggravating causes should be avoided. Excessive salty and sour food products should be avoided.

For treatment of the “Rakta” impurities in chronic eczema, blood letting, by syringe or leech, is considered most useful and effective. An area of skin or a vein near the affected part is chosen for this purpose. Even patients with very chronic eczema respond well to this therapy. Blood letting is effective in all types and stages of eczema, however, sometimes it is preferable to first treat the wet patches with medicines and local applications to relieve the oozing and itching. Some physicians advocate rubbing of dry patches with a soft, silk cloth.

Induced vomiting and induced purgation are beneficial, where symptoms are severe and very chronic, however, these procedures should be carried out by qualified and experienced physicians. Selection of patients is important, and these are best done as inpatient procedures (after admitting patients to a hospital).

Local application medications include Shatadhout Ghruta, Dashang lep, Saariva (Hemidesmus indicus), Chandan (Santalum album), Honey-Ghee mixture and Karanj- Kapur (Pongamia pinnata – Cinnamum camphora) oil. Oral medications include Arogya-vardhini, Triphala Guggul, Manjishthadi qadha, Kamdudha, Gandhak Rasayan and Mahatikta Ghruta. Several single herbs like Saariva ( Hemidesmus indicus), Manjishtha (Rubia cordifolia), Neem (Azadirachta indica), Brahmi (Bacopa monnieri) , Jatamansi (Nardostachys jatamansi) and herbal combinations are available which are very effective, and can be given long-term. The overall aim is to normalize the skin and blood tissue, and also optimize the immune system of the body.

Worst Marriage Proposals!

We often hear of brilliant and overstated marriage proposals which have gone fantastically well and the couple of sailed off into the sunset. What we do not hear so much about is the ones that are, how can I put it, not so good! I am sure that most of the people reading this will all agree that proposing marriage is a pretty big deal, which is why I am equally as sure that you will find the feeble proposal attempts in this article both hilariously funny and downright shocking! Granted some of what you are about to read quite simply lack ambition, effort and romance, whilst others really make you question whether these people should be allowed to come into contact with other human beings, let alone be allowed into a church to get married.

Proposed In A Graveyard

Excluding a mortuary, I am sure that you will agree that no other place on earth “screams” death more than a graveyard; which is why I find this proposal attempt utterly abysmal!

A man took his girlfriend to a local graveyard one summer’s day to put flowers onto his deceased mothers’ grave, what his girlfriend did not realise was that her boyfriend also had an alternative motive for being there. Unknown to his girlfriend, this old romantic had visited the graveyard the previous day to purchase two new plots of land, next to his mothers’ grave, for him and his partner. On arriving at the scene the man explained to his girlfriend that he had purchased the two plots of land and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her; he then proceeded to go down on one knee and ask her to marry him! Now nobody can deny that he had put some effort into this, he had obviously spent quite a bit of time coming up with this ingenious? romantic? Idea, but I am sure that when his girlfriend was a young girl growing up she had other, less morbid plans for the day that she be asked the most important question of her life.

Proposed In McDonald’s

If by some absolute miracle you are not familiar with McDonald’s, it is a fast food restaurant chain spanning the width of the globe and a place that does not really incorporate a “romantic feel”.

In 2008 a man proposed to his girlfriend whilst in the queue at McDonald’s, which turned out to be not one of his better ideas. His girlfriend was so disgusted by his thoughtless and pathetic proposal that she not only refused to marry him, she also left him! Now although you may deem it a bit harsh that she said no and split up with her boyfriend, surely proposing in the queue at a fast food restaurant could only be “beaten” by proposing in a back street public toilet; neither is really declaring your love from the roof tops!

Proposed Drunk (And Forgot That He Was Engaged)

Alcohol and proposals quite simply do not mix; I would compare it to putting gravy on your cornflakes, something that you should never do! I am sure that it has happened many times in recent years, you have a few drinks, call your partner and tell them that you love them and that you should get married; this is just about forgivable!

In 2009 an offshore worker phoned his partner in the UK after a night out with his work colleagues as they have just gone back on shore ready to return home. Needless to say copious amounts of alcohol were consumed prior to this phone call, a phone call within which this old romantic had managed to slur the words “will you marry me” down the phone to his partner. Not realising how drunk her boyfriend really was, she happily accepted his proposal and was delighted when he told her to go looking at engagement rings and organise a family get together for when he returned home two days later. I think that you know where this is going…

When our modern day Casanova returned to the UK he had no idea that his now fiance was boasting a large Diamond Engagement Ring and an engagement party awaited him at home. Arriving at his residence he had no idea what the Congratulations banners were all about; it was only after an hour or so that he realised what was going on! It wasn’t until after the wedding that the man admitted to his wife that he could not remember proposing, I think some credit is due for the fact that he actually went through with it!

Other Terrible Examples Of Proposals:

· Proposing Via Text Message

· Getting Your Girlfriends Name Wrong

· Proposing Over The Phone

· Being So Drunk That You Vomit Whilst Proposing

· Putting The Engagement Ring In A Champagne Glass And Allowing Your Girlfriend To Swallow It.

The above a just a few examples of poor attempts at proposing marriage, methods which I would suggest staying clear of if you are planning on asking your girlfriend to marry you!

If marriage is on your mind, once you have determined how and when you are going to propose you then have to start thinking about Engagement Rings. Companies such as Quality Diamonds can offer expert advice to ensure that you choose the right ring for you; what they cannot do is propose for you, so make sure that you give it some thought before popping the question!

Early Sign Of Pregnancy – Learn More

A missed period is a definite early sign of pregnancy but even before you miss any period there are so many other early sign of the pregnancy that can tell you whether or not you are pregnant. However, the problem with most of the early sign of pregnancy is that are similar to what you may observe before the arrival of the period. Determining whether you are pregnant or not with the help of the early sign of pregnancy without any pregnancy test is just like solving a difficult puzzle. It is not compulsory that every single women experience every early sign of pregnancy. However, it is also unlikely that you do not experience any one of them.

Swollen Breasts Along With Tenderness

Tenderness of the breast is an early sign of pregnancy that starts appearing very early immediately after the conception. This early pregnancy symptom tell us that body has started naturally preparing itself for the arrival and feeding of the child. According to the experts of the pregnancy health and the pregnancy journal you should not make the mistake of linking it with the pre menstrual symptoms because during pregnancy sometimes you may experience swollen breasts instead of the tenderness in the breast.

Feeling Less Energetic

If you are feeling tiredness and are not feeling that much energetic as you normally used to be then this may also be an early sign of pregnancy. In these kinds of circumstances most of the women make the mistake of linking this tiredness and lack of energetic feeling with the other things happening around them, while, in reality this is an early sign of pregnancy. There are several factors responsible for this tiredness. Some of them are change in the hormones, chemistry of the body and the activity that the body of any woman needs to do at the time of the conception. If you are experiencing this kind of fatigue then it is better to take more sleep.

Nausea, Increase In Appetite

Nausea is a distinctive early sign of pregnancy. Here again people make the mistake of associating it with the food poisoning, stomach flu or anything similar to this. If the nausea continues and does not subside then one must assume that she is pregnant. Many women also feel increased hunger as compared to when they were not pregnant. This is very much natural process because the body requires more nutrition for the growth and development of the embryo. On the contrary some of the women may feel a complete loss of the appetite. In some cases the women may complaint of lost appetite or increased appetite on different days varying with the other early pregnancy symptom.

Anemia Part IX – Types, Cause, Symptom, Prevention and Treatment

I. Definition

It is hard to believe that America, a country with one of the highest standard living in the world having over 20 million people with the disease of anemia caused by unhealthy diet, and nutritional deficiency with protein and fat intake 30% more than any other country in the world. Most people understand that anemia is caused by iron deficiency in the bloodstream but in reality anemia is characterized by deficiency in the hemoglobin of the red blood cells diminishing the ability of the blood to transport oxygen to our cells and to removing carbon dioxide. In this article, we will discuss types of anemia.

II. Types of anemia

1. Genetically passed through

Anemia is a genetic disease passing through from generation to generation.

a) Thalassmia

i) Thalassmia minor

It is the most common anemia in people of the Mediterranean descent. This is the mild case of anemia. The blood cell is smaller than normal blood cells and easily die off causing stress for the reproduction of new red blood cells because of not enough new blood cells to replace the loss of red blood cells.

ii) Thalassmia major

Thalassmia major is also called Cooley’s anemia. It is an inherited disorder that affects the production of normal hemoglobin. Thalassmia major is a deadly disease without frequent blood transfusions, people with this kind of anemia may not survive because of iron building up in heart and other organs, resulting in heart failure.

b) Aplastic anemia

This is one of the most deadly and rarest case of anemia. For whatever reason, the marrow bone that produces red blood cell does not work properly or it may be caused by an auto-immune disorder resulting in white blood cells attacking the bone marrow.

c) Sickle-celled anemia

This is a serious, life-threatening inherited form of anemia that mostly affects people of African ancestry. Sickle cell anemia is formed of hemoglobin deficiency causing red blood cells to become sticky, stiff, and more fragile resulting in the form of a curve and sickle-shape, restricting the circulation of blood in our body.

2. Deficiency of iron anemia

Iron is the most importance mineral in the blood, working together with zinc and copper to help to increase the oxygen level and circulation of our blood to nurture our body’s cells and removing carbon dioxide from the bloodstream. Iron is a hard to be absorbed mineral, without taking together with vitamin C, most iron in our body are wasted.

3 Deficiency of folate acid and vitamin B12 anemia (pernicious anemia)

Folate acid and vitamin B12 is vital for the reproduction of red blood cells caused by excessive drinking of alcohol and certain intake of certain medication such as oral contraceptive or anticancer drug. People eating only cooked foods have a highest risk of deficiency of folate and vitamin B12 anemia.

4. Chronic blood loss anemia

This type of anemia is resulted from a variety of chronic conditions such as hemorrhoids, cancer, menstruation and peptic ulcers.

5. Hemolytic anemia

In this case, the destruction of old red blood cells exceeds the production of new ones caused by the defective hemoglobin synthesis or trauma within the arteries, or caused by antibodies being produced by the immune system damaging red blood cells.

III. Causes of anemia

1. Hemolysis

Hemolysis is an anemia caused by the breaking down of red blood cells as a result of immune reactions, and toxin and poisons. Treatments are hemodialysis or surgery.

2. Decreased red cell production by the bone marrow

Bone marrow is a soft fatty tissue found inside of the body’s bones. If bone marrow becomes defective or malfunctions, it causes an abnormality in the production of any of the mature blood cells resulting in decreased production of red blood cells, or the rapid loss of red blood cells.

3. Blood loss

Blood loss can be as a result of very heavy menstrual periods. Women can become anemic if they ignore the needs of their monthly menstruation because their blood rises and falls in a cyclical fashion. Therefore more blood nutrition is needed to counter the loss of blood during menstruation. Certain health issues may also contribute to iron loss, including chronic bleeding of the gums, hemorrhoids, or ulcer and chronic ulcer.

4. Chronic illness or anemia of inflammation

Anemia of inflammation often closely resembles iron-deficiency anemia caused by high levels of ferritin blocking release of iron in the cells into the bloodstream or high levels of transferin binding onto iron. Resent study shows that inflammation also appears to affect other important elements of iron metabolism because inflammation causes the liver to produce morw hepcidin that blocks the ferropotin to release iron.

5. Cancer therapy

Cancer treatment such as chemotherapy can reduce the production of red blood cells of the bone resulting in less oxygen in the bloodstream being transported to all parts of our body’s cells.

6. Excessive alcohol drinking

Alcohol is a stimulant. Excessive alcohol drinking can contribute to vitamin deficiency , anemia, as well as inflammation anemia. It’s recommended that men have no more than two drinks a day, and that women limit alcohol intake to one drink daily.

7. Smoking

Smoking causes the depletion of oxygen levels in the bloodstream as well as blocking the absorption of vital nutrients, such as folate acid and vitamin C, raising the risk of vitamin deficiency anemia.

IV. Symptoms of anemia

1. Fatigue

Fatigue is a common symptom of people with anemia which causes less oxygen being transported to the tissues of the body because of low count of red blood cells in bloodstream.


Since the bloodstream cannot provide enough oxygen as well as nutrition to our body tissues, it interferes with normal function of organs resulting in weakness in anemia patients.

3. Fainting and dizziness

Our brain needs protein and fat to function daily. It also needs oxygen to nourish it’s cells. Without enough red blood cells to carry oxygen and remove carbon dioxide from it’ s cells, it may cause fainting.

4. Shortness of breath

Since there are never enough oxygen in the bloodstream, it causes the reaction of our lung to breath faster so it can get enough oxygen to our body tissues causing shortness of breath.

5. Heart palpitations

People with anemia have less oxygen in their bloodstream. In order to provide enough oxygen to nourish our body’s cells, their heart has to work harder resulting in heart palpitation.

6. Pale complexion

Pale complexion is caused by iron deficiency. Iron is vital for our blood cells reproduction for replacing the break down of the old ones. Deficiency of iron causes low red blood cells in the bloodstream resulting in a pale color in our skin.

7. Difficulty concentrating

Difficulty concentrating caused by iron deficiency causes less production of new red blood cells to replace the breaking down of the old ones resulting in less oxygen being delivered to certain regions of the brain cells making concentration difficulty.

8. Excess menstruation

Excess menstruation is characterized by loss of abnormal quantities of blood during menstruation. It is caused by iron deficiency anemia in women as a resulting of massive breaking down of old red blood cells.

V. Prevention and treatment

A. With Vitamins and Minerals

1. Iron

Iron is essential for people with anemia. It aids the reproduction of red blood cells as well as improve the transportation of oxygen and nutrition to the body’s cell, and removing carbon dioxide from our bloodstream. Since iron is hard to absorb, it is recommended to take the liquid form over the dry form and be sure to take with some vitamin C or most of the iron will be wasted because of poor intestinal absorption. If you are a nursing mother, be sure to check your blood for iron, otherwise iron deficiency will cause iron deficiency to the baby.

2. Copper and zinc

Copper and zinc may not be vital in treating people with anemia, but they are needed in helping our body to absorb iron. With out the balancing of iron, copper and zinc most of the iron’s effects will be wasted. Be sure to talk to your doctor for the right amount of iron, zinc and copper before taking any of the above metal. They are toxic if overdosed.

3 Vitamin K

Vitamin K is a fat-soluble vitamin. It plays an important role to the people with anemia by helping blood clot properly after an injury, which is vital for people with anemia caused by excessive blood loss such as women in childbirth and during menstruation.

4. Vitamin C

Vitamin C is an antioxidant that helps to improve the immune system fighting against the invasion of bacteria and virus. Because of poor reproduction and circulation of blood for people with anemia, strengthening the immune system becomes vital. Vitamin C also helps to improve the absorption of iron otherwise most iron intake may be wasted.

5. Vitamin B12

Vitamin B12 is essential for people with pernicious anemia ( vitamin B12 deficiency anemia).

Vitamin b12 deficiency is mostly caused by inadequate absorption, poor diet and medication side effects resulting in large immature and dysfunctional red blood cells thereby decreasing the red blood cell count and hemoglobin levels.

6. Folic acid

Folic acid is in the B vitamin family. It is necessary for the formation and maturation of red blood cells. Folic acid deficiency is caused mostly by poor diet, inadequate body absorption and for people eating only cook foods, resulting in less red blood cell count in the bloodstream or folic acid deficiency anemia.

B. With Supplements


DHEA is the shortened name of dehydroepiandrosterone. It is a steroid hormone produced by the adrenal glands that helps to reduce the level of cytokine inflammation which damages the forming of protein from red blood cells.

2. Spirulina

Spirulina is rich in iron, folic acid and vitamin B12 which are essential for people with anemia.

It also contains high amounts of vitamin C helping the absorption of iron and strengthening the immune system. Spirulina not only increases the oxygen level in the blood, it also helps to remove carbon dioxide from our cells that are vital for people with nutritional deficiency anemia.

3. Lactoferrin

Lactoferrin enhances iron absorption, and protects our body from the negative and oxidative effects of excess iron. It can decrease or eliminate the side effects of nausea and constipation caused by iron supplementation. It also has beneficial effects in regulating the immune system,and anti-inflammatory, antibacterial antiviral and antioxidant effects. Study shows that lactoferrin increases the absorption and utilization of iron, and would be useful in the prevention of iron deficiency anemia.

4. Bee pollen

Bee pollen contains high amounts of protein, B-complex vitamins and folic acid that are vital supplements for anemia patients. It also is believed to improve the digestive process and improve levels of hemoglobin in some anemic patients. It has been used in Chinese medicine for over thousands of years in treating many kinds of chronic illnesses as well as longevity.

5. Hydrochloric acid

For people with megaloblastic anemia due to deficiency of the intrinsic factor such as poor iron and supplement absorption, then intake of hydrochloric acid is necessary. Hydrochloric acid helps the stomach lining to absorb and transport protein to the tissues of the body.

C. With Herbs

1. Dandelion roots

The Dandelion is a biennial plant and grows wild in most of the world. Dandelion contains high levels of iron and B vitamin complex. It has been used in Chinese medication over many generations in treating anemia due to deficiencies of folic acid, iron, and vitamin B12 by increasing the production of hydrochloric acid resulting in better nutritional absorption.

2. Gentian roots

Gentian root has been used for centuries in Europe in treating digestive disorders. The bitter qualities of gentian helps to stimulate the digestive system, making iron and other nutrients easier to be absorbed.

3. Yellow dock

Yellow dock is used in herbal remedies to treat constipation and other digestive issues. It contains high amounts of iron and bioflavonoids. Besides helping to strengthen the capillaries it also helps to enhance our digestive system in absorption of protein, iron and other nutritions that is vital for people with nutritional deficiency anemia.

4. Blackstrap molasses

Blackstrap molasses is the dark liquid byproduct of the process of refining sugar cane into table sugar. Blackstrap molasses contains high amounts of iron and copper that are essential for iron utilization resulting in reproduction of red blood cells as well as circulation of blood that are vital for anemic patients.

5. Alfalfa

Alfalfa contains high amounts of vitamin K which is helpful to promote normal blood clotting and prevent the loss of blood for women with excessive flow in menstruation.

6. Burdock root

Burdock root has long been used to fortify and cleanse the blood. It contains high amounts of iron which is vital for anemia. It also helps to increase the levels of hemoglobin that is diminished for people with anemia.

7. Nettle leaves

Nettle has been used for centuries in treating wounds, and slowing down bleeding and menstrual bleeding. It acts like vitamin K by reducing the excessive flow of blood in menstruation. It also contains high amounts of iron and is said to stimulate the production of hemoglobin.

D. With Chinese herbs

1. Chinese wild yam

Chinese wild yam has the same property of DHEA and acts as a precursor to human sex hormones. extract of Chinese wild yam has been used to treat painful menstruation, hot flashes, and other symptoms due to menstruation. In fact, it also help to reduce the level of pro inflammation cytokines.

2. Cinnamon bark

Cinnamon bark has been historically used as a digestive aid and to promote blood purifier. Cinnamon contains high amount of antioxidants that help to strengthen the immune system function that is vital for people with anemia who use to have a weaken immune system caused by low level of oxygen in the blood.

3. Dang Shen (Codonopsis)

Dang shen has been used in Chinese medicine for more than a century in strengthening immune system against bacteria and virus. It also is a blood enhancer. Dang shen has been used in Chinese medicine as blood purifier as well promoting the production of red blood cells and improving energy.

4. Fu Ling (Poria)

Fu ling is said to cotains the substance that helps to increase the secretion of DHEA, a steriod hormone that helps to deduce the levels of pro inflammation cytokines.

5. Sheng Jiang (Ginger)

Sheng jiang is one of oldest Chinese medicine in promoting of blood circulation, increasing oxyen levels in the bloodstream as well as aiding in the immune system fighting against any inflammation caused by bacteria and virus in oure body. Sheng fiang is a blood thinner, do not take shemg jiang if you have ulcer or take any blood thinner medication.

6. Lu Rong (Hairy Antler)

Lu rong is one of most expensive herb in chinese medicine. Lu rong is a blood tonner. It not only help to increase the production of red blood cell but also help to purify your blood. Lu rong has been used over thousand years in Chinese medicine in treating anemia.

7. Dang Gui (Chinese Angelica Roots)

Dang qui is a blood purifier. It has been used widely for women after perioa or loss of blood during child birth or other chronic illness. It is said that dang qui not only stimulate the bone marrow in production of blood and red blood cells to replace the blood loss but also to reduce painful menstruation, hot flashes, and other symptoms due to menstruation.

I hope this information will help, if you need more information of the above subject please follow my series of the above subject at my home page at:

The Best Way to Fight Acidosis For People With GERD Or Acid Reflux

Acidosis is often associated with people who suffer from GERD or Acid Reflux. It is defined as “the state of having too much acid in the body, a distinctly abnormal condition resulting from the accumulation of acid or from the depletion of alkaline reserves”. Those who have Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disease have a strong tendency to overproduce stomach acid, which in turn the body needs to balance with its mineral reserves – leading to alkaline depletion.

Clearly, the most effective way to fight acidosis in your body is by avoiding foods that are acid-forming and properly combining all your meals, thereby enabling your pH level to reach a normal (slightly alkaline) state.

If this is not achieved, the fact of the matter is, your body cannot heal itself. It will not be able to effectively use all those vitamins, minerals, and supplements. What’s worse is if you keep on consuming acid forming foods such as junk food and fast food, you are only creating a higher level of acid in your body and making it frantic as it tries to neutralize itself by using up its own supply of minerals (from the vital organs and bones). This would simply lead to the worsening of your GERD or Acid Reflux condition.

Bear in mind that not only does acidosis destroy your body’s ability to absorb nutrients, but it also decreases energy production in the cells and decreases its ability to repair damaged cells. It will then make tumor cells thrive and grow and make you prone to fatigue and other illnesses such as depression, cancer, high blood pressure, hormonal problems, and osteoporosis.

Thankfully, your body is designed to bounce back from the effects of such bad habits; therefore, if you’ve been in a continuous acidic state for years, you can still reap great benefits if you help your body regulate its pH level.

In order to maintain a good level of healthy, your diet should at least consist of 60% alkaline foods and no more than 40% acid forming foods. And by the way, your doctor’s prescriptive medications for GERD (Acid Reflux) belong to the 40%. If you can look for other natural yet effective ways of treatment, it would be best. Make it a habit as well to take at least 5 to 8 cups of alkaline water each day.

Why Your Acid Reflux And Sinus Problems May Be Connected

Acid reflux symptoms are hard to miss. The burning and discomfort can sometimes be mistaken for other things, but for the most part, those who suffer know exactly what is going on, and usually why it is happening. However, they may be experiencing secondary conditions that are painful and irritating, but what they don’t know is that these conditions can be a result of leaving GERD unchecked and untreated. Few realize that acid reflux and sinus problems can be related.

Most people know that acid reflux is where acid from the stomach splashes back up into the esophagus and eats away at the delicate tissues. That leads to pain and damage in the area.

What isn’t so well known is that this acid can reach up as far as the sinus cavities in the head. When that happens, sinus problems will ensue.

The most common symptoms are pain and pressure in the sinus cavities. When this happens, sufferers usually have no idea that their GERD is the cause, and that by getting it under control, they may lessen the severity of sinus problems, if not eliminate them all together.

The most obvious way to relieve sinus problems associated with GERD is to get the acid reflux under control. There are a number of medications your doctor can prescribe that can help, and the ones that usually work the best are proton pump inhibitors (PPI’s).

PPI’s stop acid from being produced within the stomach. Some will still be there to help digest foods, but the excess will be stopped. The idea is to allow the esophagus a chance to heal and greatly lowers the possibility of acid seeping up into the throat and sinuses. PPI’s can be bought over-the-counter, but doctors can prescribe a stronger version for those with really bad GERD symptoms.

If you’re not keen on taking medication then relief might be found for acid reflux and sinus problems simply by changing the way you sleep at night. Even when taking medications, you can still have some problems in this area.

Try sleeping with your head and chest elevated at least six inches from the bottom half of your body. Stacking pillows can work, but using a dedicated ‘wedge pillow’ or lifting the mattress so the entire top half of the torso is elevated is generally more comfortable. You could also try putting blocks under the head end of the bed, but make sure whatever you use is secure. Elevating you head and chest possibly won’t stop acid reflux entirely, but gravity can do wonders for keeping acid down and in the stomach where it belongs.

Along with medications and changing your sleeping position, you can also alter your diet to avoid foods that seem to give you the most problem. Common triggers are spicy foods, fatty foods, and foods that are slow to digest.

After having acid reflux for a while, most people become aware of what foods do them the most harm and which ones leave them feeling relatively good. By focusing on the foods that cause the least pain and discomfort, the sinuses might feel some relief from the erosion and pain.

Even when acid is under control, damage already done to the sinuses can cause problems. This is why you should seek simple treatments for acid reflux and sinus problems. Some relief can be found with humidifiers and saline nasal sprays. These can calm and soothe by adding moisture back into the damaged areas of the sinuses. If nothing seems to help and your sinus problems seem to be getting worse rather than better, it might be time to talk with your doctor about more aggressive treatment. In the meantime, see if the small changes listed above offer you at least some measure of relief.

Singers’ Vocal Health – 10 Steps to Vocal Health For Singers

Taking care of your vocal cords and larynx is very important for singers as they use their voice at a much more extended time than most people. The vocal cords are made up of very delicate tissue and can easily be damaged. This can end careers for many professional singers. It is crucial that a singer understand how to take care of their own voice but the truth is that many singers don’t really understand how to. So I’ve written this article especially for professionals and amateurs to understand what is harmful for their voice and what they should be doing on a daily basis to have a more consistent sound.

Below Are 10 Steps That EVERY Singer and Professional Voice User Must Follow!

1) Quit Smoking – smoking causes redness, increased mucous production(making it harder to hit high notes), thickening of the mucosa and even damages the mucosa. As a result the vocal cords become swollen, fatigued, stiff, loss of flexibility, can cause reflux laryngitis, cancer of throat or larynx and impaired lung function. Your lungs are very important for singing, in order to hit high notes you need well-balanced breathing. Smoking will greatly decrease your vocal range and even deepen your voice. Permanent damage can result from smoking as it dries the from hydration which takes away moisture in the vocal cords almost instantly. I highly suggest you quit smoking if your a singer or to cut down if it’s to hard to quit. Once you quite smoking you will improve your voice, add some notes to your range and you voice will benefit a lot more from training.

2) Drinking Alcohol – you should avoid alcoholic beverages prior to singing as it takes a lot of water from the body to metabolize alcohol, which would dehydrate the vocal cords. In fact it can cause a hoarse voice in just a few minutes because of dehydration. Alcohol doesn’t necessarily damage the voice however it causes impaired control of your vocal coordinations and depletes the body’ s water. If your an alcoholic, I suggest you don’t drink to the point where you lose control over your voice and to make sure you drink more water to compensate it’s dehydrating effects. On the other hand it may relax you a bit from stage fright.

3) Hormones – certain hormones will affect the voice. Steroid(testosterone) will excessively enlarge the vocal cords which will result in a VERY deep pitch, decrease vocal range and cause breaks within the voice. I highly recommend you don’t abuse steroids for bodybuilding. If your a women on birth control pills please let your doctor know that your a singer and you’d like to be prescribed birth control pills without progestin which deepen the voice, decrease vocal range and cause breaks just like steroids. Also women may want to take a little rest during their menstrual period as progestin usually rises and thickens the vocal cords. If your a teenager going through puberty, I highly suggest you do some voice training as you most likely will get breaks in your voice & the sooner you take care of the problem the better.

4) Drugs – marijuana, cocaine, heroin, estcacy, narcotics and even something as aspirin can damage the voice. Marijuana irritates the vocal cords and damages the lungs at least 10x times more than cigarettes alone. Cocaine can damage your sinus and nasal passage which can jeopardize your voice. Heroin and ecstasy put a great amount of stress on the voice with it’s endorphin effects. If your taking aspirin for headache, periods etc, I don’t recommend you sing as it thins your blood which can cause tinnitus and vocal cord hemorrhage.

5) Diet – their are certain foods that you must avoid prior to singing or performing. Avoid dairy products such as milk, ice cream, pizza and chocolate as it cause phlegm to build up which makes it harder for the vocal cords to zip up and thus harder to sing higher notes. Dairy products aren’t “bad” for the voice but they cause phlegm to build up so avoid them 2-3 hrs prior to singing. Orange and citrus juices can affect the lubrication in the voice but it isn’t as bad as caffiene drinks such as coffee. Coffee dries the vocal cords and even makes you a lot tired afterwards which can cause edema (swollen vocal cords). You should especially avoid those so called energy drinks such as Red Bull which is loaded with caffeine and terrible for your voice. Reduce intake of refined sugars, too much salt and junk food. Before singing or vocalizing, I recommend you don’t eat, you can eat just a tad bit if your hungry. But overeating prior to singing will make it harder to control your breath and digestion takes up energy. You need energy to sing!

6) Speech Habits – They way you use your voice on a daily basis at school, work or at social events will affect your singing voice. Just as how you sing will also affect your speaking voice. It is important that you don’t speak louder than is necessary and it’s important you take at the very least a 20 minute break of silence after speaking for a long period of time. But make sure you warm down before taking a rest. That muscles that control your vocal cords need to cool down and stretched before being rested. Otherwise your voice will be very tense afterwards. To warm down start from the very top of your vocal range with the vowel “Ah”. Then slowly slide down until you reach your lowest note in vocal fry. Repeat this several times for 7-10 minutes. Just as warming down is important so is warming up. Before singing or performing, sing the vowel “E” in a siren type of sound with your voice going high and low like a police siren. If you follow this warm up for 5 minutes, your voice will be able to sing for longer period of time. When doing the warm up and warm down, make sure you don’t sing that you can comfortably.

7) Vocal Hydration – drinking enough water is extremely important for singers. The vocal cords need to be properly hydrated to vibrate efficiently. Make sure you drink room temperature water throughout the day. It takes time for the water to absorb to your vocal cords and drinking water at the last minute will NOT help. If you smoke, drink or take caffeine, make sure you drink enough water to counteract their drying effects.

8) Stress – stress will cause your voice to tense and stiffen. It depletes your energy levels which is needed to sing. Many causes of stress are simply not enough sleep, empty stomach, unhealthy diet and too much office work. Make sure you get at least 8 hrs of good sleep, otherwise your may get swollen cords. Excersice for at least 15 minutes when you feel stressed. Brett Manning in fact also makes his students excersice a little bit before a voice lesson. Eating fruits and vegetable as well as vitamins B6 and B12 greatly reduce stress. By the way, Brett Manning is currently writing a book called “If your not healthy, you can’t sing!” So make sure your in good overall health.

9) Environment – Air conditioning can cause dryness and sickness. So if your prone to “air conditioning sickness” at least try to lower it’s speed during hot summer days. Heating is very drying and can easily take away moisture in the body. You should try not to put the heat too high during winter, just moderately. Air pollutants, dust, second-hand smoke and toxics all effect the voice so avoid such areas.

10) Cold & Viral Infections – what ever you do, don’t sing if you’re sick, have a sore throat or have a cold. I recommend you take a rest, avoid coughing as this irritates the vocal cords and drink plenty of water. I suggest you take vitamin C, Zinc and Echinacea. On a last note, DO NOT take those over the counter cough medicines, they simply numb your vocal cords and suppress them from coughing. In fact many of those cough medicines contain ingredients used to make narcotics and the FDA has also pulled many of those cough meds off the shelves. I suggest you use Entertainer’ s Secret Throat Spray whenever your sick.


If you follow all the 10 steps I’ve listed above, your voice will have twice as much stamina, consistency and will benefit more from training.

Vocal health is crucial and if you don’t take the time to care for your voice, training will do NOTHING for you. In fact, many ENT specialists claim that 80% of their patients could have avoided their voice problems from simply drinking more water! Think about that…. 80% of patients have started their vocal troubles simply from a lack of drinking more water!

Safety Principles on the Golf Course

Safety principles on the golf course are critical to every golfer. When playing golf in most locations of the country it is vitally important that golfers have protection. What kind of protection? In this brief article we discuss SIX common and not so common occurrences that can effect us while we are on the golf course. They are serious (some could be potentially fatal while on the golf course) and should be thoroughly understood by anyone who intends on spending a considerable amount of time on the golf course either alone, or with friends, family, or golfing buddies.

Sun Protection and Skin Cancer – Sun burn is caused by the sun’s ultraviolet rays damaging the human skin over a period of time. The stronger the sun’s rays the greater damage is done to the skin. Sun burns can occur in less than an hour and can be of differing degrees depending on the level and type of protection (sun cremes and sun blocks) that is used, the strength of the sun, wind conditions, and kind of clothing or sun shade protection (umbrellas or hats or light clothing used. Doctors say if a person has had five or more sunburns over his or her life, the odds of getting skin cancer have doubled. Even in the spring season golfers should take adequate care to protect their heads and faces, as well as other sun exposed body parts. Sun blocking creams with high SPF ratings (i.e. well over 20) should be amply applied on sunny days to protect golfers from developing pre cancerous skin cancer or exacerbating skin cancer, should it already exist or be developing. Additionally, golf visors or hats should be worn to keep the suns rays off your head, especially if you are bald or balding, and much of your face. Of all the things golfers should do as they leave the putting green before the start of their round these preparatory actions are probably one of the most important practices to be done regularly. What areas of the body should be protected from the sun? The lips, face, ears, forearms, elbows and wrists, calves and knees are all prime targets for skin cancer. Golfers, whether male or female should constantly be checking their skin for moles, actinic keratosis (pre cancer skin eruptions), dysplastic nevi (non-cancerous moles), and basal cell (common skin cancer) conditions which could show up as bumps under the skin.

Tick protection and Lyme Disease – Lyme disease is a tick-carried illness which caused by Borrelia burgdorferi, a corkscrew-shaped bacterium called a spirochete. The disease has been found in most states and many foreign countries. In the United States it is now the most frequently reported disease carried by ticks. It is extremely common and prevalent in the northeast (Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York and New Jersey are prime examples) where significant numbers of cases occur each summer. Many cases also occur in Wisconsin and Minnesota. However, Thus far, Lyme disease has not been as common in the southern states. In North Carolina, less than 100 cases are found each year. Rocky Mountain spotted fever,another tick-carried disease, is still more common than Lyme disease in North Carolina.

Lyme disease is spread by the bite of ticks on deer infected with Borrelia burgdorferi. Perhaps the next most important protection procedure before starting the round, and this applies at any time of the season is to put adequate tick repellant on exposed parts of your body. Either cremes or sprays should be used. We would favor a spray as it can also be put it on your pants, socks and other clothing that might harbor ticks if you go into the woods. If a tick bites you and that tick has Lyme disease, failure to remove the tick quickly can lead to the disease which would require a long course of antibiotics. In order to protect yourself on the golf course from tick bites golfers should try to do the following practices before the round begins so follow safety principles on the golf course:

Avoid tick-infested areas, especially in May, June, and July,

Wear light-colored clothing so that ticks can be spotted more easily,

Tuck pant legs into socks or boots and shirt into pants,

Tape the area where pants and socks meet so that ticks cannot crawl under clothing,

Spray insect repellent containing DEET on clothes and on exposed skin other than the face, or treat clothes (especially pants, socks, and shoes) with permethrin, which kills ticks on contact,

Wear a hat and a long-sleeved shirt for added protection,

Walk in the center of trails, or in the fairway to avoid overhanging grass and brush,

During time outdoors, keep away from tall grass and dense woods. These are two favorite hangouts for ticks. Any time you spend in tall grass or deep woods – whether you are hiking, bicycling, golfing, camping, picnicking etc. – can expose you to ticks,

After being outdoors, inspect for ticks. Check places where ticks might be hard to spot, including your back, scalp, and genitals. Check your pet for ticks. If you find a tick, remove it promptly and carefully. Use tweezers to grasp the tick by its head. Try to remove the whole tick without crushing it. If possible, seal the tick in a plastic bag and take it along if you see your physician or vet. Otherwise flush the tick down the toilet, bury it or destroy it by hitting it with the edge of a sand iron or other club much like a hammer.

Wash your hands after handling ticks.

Snake Bite Protection – Particularly in certain regions of the country such as the West, Southwest, and South, bites from poisonous snakes can be very serious and potentially fatal occurrences if not quickly treated with the proper antidotes and by trained medical persons. It may seem foolish but it is probably worth your while to have some kind of means of reaching the local hospital or clinic, as well as the club house and pro shop in the event you are bitten by a snake. Obviously one can not have serum to counter act the effects of a snake bit because there are so many kinds, but it would be very wise to keep your cell phone available and charged or at least one or two people in your twosome, threesome, or foursome should have their phones in an active state and charged. No one should fool with snake bites. Actions and practices golfers should take to prevent themselves from being bitten from snakes include:

Watching where you put your feet when walking in the woods, rocky areas, or brooks or streams while looking for lost golf balls,

Being alert to snakes when off the fairway and even while in the fairway or sitting on a bench waiting to tee off,

Being extremely careful about waving your golf club in thick grass or overgrowth while looking for a lost ball. Thrashing about in the woods while waving your club to move leaves or help uncover a golf ball under heavy grass or wood may agitate a sleeping snake.

Heart Attack and Stroke – While heart attacks and strokes have a relatively low frequency of occurrence on the golf course golfers should be conscious of how to get medical aid quickly if they or a member of their golf group have chest pains or become unconscious with a probable stroke. In this regard golfers should have their cell phones charged during the round and be ready to call the pro shop, club house and the closest hospital in the event something happens. Having a cell phone with no battery power is BAD so check your phone at the start of the round. Also, the managements of all golf courses should consider or be required to have a defibrillator available to help someone who has had a heart attack. Actions golfers should take during the round to prevent stroke or heart attack include:

Know your own health condition as the round starts and certainly before you step out on the course,

Drink water during the round to prevent exhaustion and dehydration,

On especially hot days when the temperature and/or the humidity go over 90 degrees, golfers should take a towel or towels and keep them wet, and if possible, cold so they can put them around their necks or on their heads while walking the course,

Take an apple, banana, or some fruit, or a food bar or nuts to chew on during the round to keep your energy level reasonably high,

Be sure you have taken all prescription medications before the round starts such as blood pressure medications,

Do not start the round if you do not feel good for whatever reason such as feeling faint, having sweats, having a rapid pulse, and having a fever or headache.

Bee Stings and Allergic Reactions – I was once playing golf and my ball came to rest in the rough under a large maple tree which had some branches hanging down to about 7 or 8 feet above the ground. I was so intent on my next shot to the green that I never noticed the wasp nest that had been hanging from one of the branches hanging over the area of where my ball rested. On my follow through my club hit the nest and a number of wasps came out and chased me. Fortunately, and although I was stung four or five times I found refuge in a rest room on the adjacent hole. A close call but one that can happen to anyone. During the summer months wasps and hornets build these large nests that can hang from branches or be in a large bush and be within reach of golf clubs. Also, bees, wasps and hornets can build nests in the ground with only small holes visible to the golfer and it can be very easy to walk over the hole, hit a shot close to the hole and arouse the critters or have your golf cart run over the hole getting them very upset. Don’ tool with these guys or it will ruin your round. The two greatest risks from most insect stings are allergic reaction (which occasionally could be fatal in some individuals) and effects a persons breathing, and infection (more common and less serious). Usually if the bite is from only one, two, or three bees or wasps the most likely result will be skin irritation and minor pain for as long as an hour or so absent any medical attention. Actions golfers should take to avoid brief encounters with bees, wasps, and hornets include:

Being aware of your surroundings and that includes over hanging tree limbs and bushes where you might relieve yourself or accidentally hit with a club,

Have medical treatment ready if you are allergic to their stings and happen to get stung once or multiple times,

Heat or Sun Stroke – Heat or sun stroke is a medical condition that can occur to people who are in the outdoors and exposed to unusually warm or hot conditions. It is a form of hyperthermia where the body temperature becomes too high. Typically the body temperature is approaching or is at or over 104 degrees versus the normal range of 98 degrees. It is typically an emergency situation and can be fatal if not dealt with aggressively and quickly. There are many symptoms to developing heat stroke which include: headache, dizziness, nausea, dry skin, weakness or fainting, vomiting, hallucinations, confusion, disorientation, rapid pulse and a high body temperature. Because golfers are on a golf course for anywhere from two to six hours, sometimes under very hot and oppressive weather conditions, heat stroke, sun stroke, or heat exhaustion can occur particularly to older golfers. Therefore, golfers who spend the better part of half a day under the beating sun can get or develop sun stroke especially if they do not take actions to stay cool and wet and cool such as we have alluded to before. Actions that should be taken during the round to prevent heat stroke include:

Do not allow yourself to become dehydrated when playing in hot conditions (i.e. drink fluids during the round),

Avoid vigorous physical activities in hot and humid weather,

If you are doing something active such as playing golf, take precautions to stay cool such as by drinking plenty of water, and putting wet and cool towels on your head and around your neck,

If you feel yourself getting very hot and sluggish, sick to your stomach, or developing a head ache, stop playing, seek shade, rest, drink some fluids and put cool compresses on your head,

If the weather is real hot and you are planning to play golf, plan on trying to play at a slower pace throughout the round, put a golf umbrella over your head while walking, stay in the shade when possible and above all do not rush.

I hope this article will be of benefit to you and you will have many safe rounds of golf as you practice safety principles on the golf course.

Lyme Disease – Ayurvedic Herbal Treatment

Lyme disease is a bacterial infection caused by a bacterium known as spirochete, which is spread by tick bites. Lyme disease is described in 3 phases: the early localized disease with skin inflammation; early disseminated disease with heart and nervous system involvement, including nerve palsies and meningitis; and late disease featuring motor and sensory nerve damage, brain inflammation and arthritis.

The Ayurvedic treatment of Lyme disease is aimed at treating the symptoms, preventing complications and boosting the immune status of the body. Medicines like Mahamanjishthadi-Qadha, Gandhak-Rasayan, Sukshma-Triphala, Chandraprabha-Vati and Panch-Tikta-Ghrut-Guggulu can be used to treat the early localized disease involving skin inflammation. These medicines can also eliminate the bacteria from the body. This disease causes inflammation of the heart muscle, resulting in arrhythmia or abnormal heart rhythm, and heart failure. Medicines like Bruhat-Vat-Chintamani, Maha-Vat-Vidhwans-Ras, Ekang-Veer-Ras and Tapyadi-Loh can be used to prevent and treat arrhythmia. Inflammation of the heart muscle can be treated using medicines like Triphala-Guggulu, Punarnavadi-Guggulu, Arjunarishta, Dashmoolarishta, Saarivasav, Nimba (Azadirachta indica), Patol (Tricosanthe dioica), Amalaki (Emblica officinalis), Haritaki (Terminalia chebula), Draksha (Vitis vinifera), Musta (Cyperus rotundus) and Kutaj (Holarrhina antidysentrica).

Involvement of the nervous system can be treated using medicines like Kaishor-Guggulu, Tapyadi-Loh, Ekang-Veer-Ras, Bruhat-Vat-Chintamani, Maha-Vat-Vidhvans-Ras, Vishtinduk-Vati, Yashtimadhuk (Glycerrhiza glabra), Nirgundi (Vitex negundo), Shalparni (Desmodium gangeticum) and Prushnaparni (Uraria picta). Involvement of the joints can be treated using medicines like Yograj-Guggulu, Maha-Yograj-Guggulu, Gokshuradi-Guggulu, Maha-Rasnadi-Guggulu, Rasna (Pluchea lanceolata), Nirgundi, Guduchi (Tinospora cordifolia), Deodar (Cedrus deodara), Vishwa (Zinziber officinalis) and Erandmool (Ricinus communis).

Symptoms resulting from this disease sometimes persist even after eradication of the Lyme bacterium. This is usually because of an ongoing auto-immune response in the body and is treated using medicines like Tulsi (Ocimum sanctum), Bhrungraj (Eclipta alba), Shatavari (Asparagus racemosus), Mandukparni (Centella asiatica), Ashwagandha (Withania somnifera), Bala (Sida cordifolia), Abhrak-Bhasma, Suvarna-Bhasma and Suvarna-Malini-Vasant.

Since Lyme disease is transmitted by ticks attaching to the body, it is important to use protective clothing and adopt other techniques for the prevention and avoidance of tick bites while staying in, or visiting tick areas. Adequate hygiene should be maintained in order to prevent transmission of this disease.

Ashitha’s Report on How Alcoholism Affects Families

Alcoholism of often termed the family illness, referring to the tremendous impact an active alcoholic has on those around him. There is no way the family members can escape or ignore the alcoholic. The majority of the alcoholic impairments are behavioural. So in the day-to-day interactions of family life, the family members are confronted with alcoholic behaviour. The family is, confused, be wildered, angry and afraid. They act accordingly. Their responses characteristically are as impaired as the alcoholic’s.

Certainly no family member ever caused alcoholism. Yet the family may, despites its best intentions, behave in a way that allows the alcoholic to continue drinking. They may protect the alcoholic, make excuses, buy into the alibis, cover up. They might call the employer, pretending the alcoholic is sick. The alcoholic’s actions are bound to increase the family’s anxiety level.


Jackson describes the stages that occur as a family comes to grips with an alcoholic in its midst. Her stages were initially intended to describe the family in which the husband and father is the alcoholic.

Denial:- Early in the development of alcoholism, occasional episodes of excessive drinking are explained away both marriage partners. Drinking because of drunkenness worry, nervousness, or a had day is not unbelievable the assumption is that the episode is an isolated instance and therefore no problem.

Attempts to eliminate the problem:- Here the spouse recognizes that the drinking is not normal and tries to make sure the alcoholic to quit, be more careful, or cut down. Simultaneously, the spouse tries to hide the problem from the outside and keep up a good front. Children in the family may well start having start having problems in response to the family stress.

Disorganization and chaos:- The family equilibrium has now broken down. The spouse can no longer pretend everything is okay and spends most of the time going crisis to crisis. Financial troubles are common. Under real stress, possibly questioning his or her own sanity, the spouse is likely to seek outside help.

Reorganization in spite of the problem:- The spouse’s coping abilities have strengthened. He or she gradually assumes the larger share of responsibility for the family unit. This may mean getting a job or taking over the finances. The major focus of energy is no longer directed toward getting the alcoholic partner to shape up. Instead, the spouse takes charge and fosters family life, despite the alcoholism.

Efforts to escape:- Separation or divorce may be attempted: lithe family unit remains intact, the family continues living around the alcoholic.

Family reorganization:- In the case of separation, family reorganization occurs without the alcoholic member. If the alcoholic achieves sobriety, a reconciliation may take place. Either path will require both partners to realign roles and make new adjustments.


Addition is a ‘family disease’ that affects not only the addicted individual, but also his family members.

As addiction gets worse day by day, the family is compelled to face several unmanageable problems. Unable to cope with these problems, the family constantly lives under severe tensions and pressure. This results in the family members becoming desperate, angry, frustrated, nervous, afraid and guilty. In many ways they start behaving like the addict, even though they do not take alcohol.

Responses of the family members

Stage 1

a) Denying the problems:- Initially the family members deny or minimize the problems related to his drinking.

b) Justifying his drinking:- The family members give reasons for his drinking.

c) Making changes:- In an attempt to stop his drinking. The family members often believe that they are responsible for the alcoholic’s drinking. They try to solve the problems at home and establish a pleasant atmosphere hoping that he will then give up drinking. The wife goes all out to please the alcoholic-pays his debts to relieve him of his financial burdens.

Stage 2

d) Withdrawing from society:- In spite of their efforts the family members find that he continues to drink. They do not want anyone to know this fact. Thus they become less social and keep away from their relatives and friends. They do not invite anyone home. They feel lonely and at the same time, worthless.

e) Protecting the alcoholic from the consequences of his drinking:- They protect the alcoholic by, covering up the consequences arising out of his drinking thinking that they can make him give up alcohol.

f) Making attempts to control his drinking:- In the hope of getting him out of his problem. The wife may empty or break the bottles, request the alcoholic to drink on only at house and not outside. Tell him not to drink in the mornings. Extract promises from him that he will not drink when there are guests at home. Unable to achieve anything, the family members feel angry, let down, bitter. Initially the anger, and hatred are directed towards the alcoholic, gradually, the focus is lost and they get angry with everyone around.

Stage 3

g) Losing control over oneself:- The family members give up all attempts to control his drinking because they realize that these methods do not help. Thus they may decide to refrain from getting angry. But they are unable to control their emotions and shot at the alcoholic for drinking heavily, beat the children for minor mistakes committed by them, get anxious about the alcoholic when he does not come home till dark etc. Her own behaviour makes her wonder whether she is losing her sanity.

h) Fear of the future:- The family members are very worried and scared. For them, the future looks bleak. Tomorrow is a big question mark.

Stage 4

i) Trying to reorganize the household:- They have absolutely no control over the alcoholic and the family members are not able to relay on him for anything. Their she takes up the complete responsibility of running the family and the alcoholic is only looked upon as a defiant angry child.

Stage 5

j) Breaking away from the alcoholic:- As the disease of alcoholism worsens the wife believers that she can lead a life independent of the alcoholic. She is -also worried that if left alone, he may ruin himself. These lead too lots of conflicts in her mind, feeling disgusted, she may leave him for a short period of time but, she normally comes back.

Stage 6

k) Allowing the alcoholic to face a crisis:- The wife stops taking any responsibility for the consequences of the alcoholic behaviour.

Emotional responses of the family members

1) Guilt – Our culture impels that if a person drinks too much, his parents or wife is to be blamed. This attitude of society often leads to self-blame and it produces more guilt and shame. This prevents both: he alcoholic and the family members from developing self-awareness which can lead to a positive change.

2) Grief – It is the result of all sorts of losses-loss of prestige, personal dignity, care, understanding and love, friends, finances-loss in each and every area of their life. They do not share their feelings of grief with anyone, they suffer alone.

3) Anger – When no one cares to listen to them the family members experiences anger and deep sadness. Their utter helplessness makes them angry. They are angry with themselves.

4) Hurt – If the anger is suppressed and not let out, it results in frustration, resentment and hurt feelings and anxiety.

5) Shame – The in appropriate behaviour of the alcoholic in front of relatives and friends makes the family embarrassed. Shame produce slow self worth in each members of the family leading to social isolation.

6) Fear – Living in a problematic distressed family, produces fear-fear of the future, fear of family life, fear of financial matters, fear or helps, fear of arguments, fear their physical well-being. There feelings of fear are a result of the internalized emotional stress that each and every family members experiences.

7) Loneliness – The stressful situation in the alcoholic’s family results in the breakdown of normal family communications. Love, Care and Concern are lost in the stress, anxiety and crisis experienced. The isolation created by lack of communication always leads to bitter loneliness.

The children of alcoholics learn three unwritten laws or self imposed commands. They are ‘don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel’. They may play one or more roles within family. ie, responsible child, adjusting child, placating child, rebellious child.

Though they are harmful to our family relations, being related, we have the moral right to love, care, and help them to come out of it. For that psychological efforts have to be promoted. As the medical science has developed more in this century, the addition could be cured by root.

The effects on the children of alcoholics

Lack of role model, lying, loss of self esteem, fear, depression and suicidal idea.

The children Learn Three Unwritten Laws or self imposed commands

Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust, don’t Feel and play one or more roles within the family:

Responsible child

Adjusting child

Placating child

Rebellious child

Alcoholic family reactivity patterns

The functional family system

(The family with an Alcoholic member)

The neurotic enmeshed family system

(The Alcoholic Family)

The disintegrated family system

(Family separation & isolation)

The absent family system

(The long term isolated alcoholic)


The family’s best defense against the emotional impact of alcoholism is gaining know, ledge and achieving the emotional maturity and courage needed to put in into effect.

Individuals who may be capable of assisting alcoholics outside the family may become confused, destructive persons if a member of their own family becomes an active alcoholic. This is especially true if the drinking alcoholic is the husband, or wife.

The “next of kin” or ‘person most responsible for the alcoholic may need more assistance and counselling than the alcoholic if an effective recovery program is to be launched. Alcoholism is an illness, but one which has tremendous emotional impact upon the immediate family. Those most affected by the alcoholic are the spouse, parent, sister, brother and child. The more distorted the emotions of these persons become the less adequate their help will be. The interaction may and often does become destructive rather than helpful.

For example wives may find themselves blamed for everything that is wrong is an alcoholic marriage. This may reach the point where they may fear this is true. Yet alcoholism is an illness. The wife is no more responsible for alcoholism than she would be for the existence of diabetes or tuberculosis in her husband. Now wife ever made her husband an alcoholic, there fore no wife can be held responsible for his recovery. However, by lack of knowledge she may allow the illness to go unnoticed. By lack of adequate understanding and courage she may acquiesce in the development of the disease. For the existence of alcoholism the wife is not responsible, but she can abet the husband avoiding treatment, or takes steps which may lead to earlier recovery though this cannot be absolutely assured.

This same principle holds true for all members of the family, especially the one person upon whom the alcoholic ultimately depends. This primary person in the alcoholic’s life cannot “treat” the illness. No doctor should treat his own serious illness, and few will ever act as physician for a member of their immediate family, especially spouse, parent or child. As alcoholism progresses relatives become involved emotionally.



The first weapon is ability to arose anger or provoke loss of temper. If the family member or friend becomes angry and hostile this person has been completely destroyed in so far as ability to help the alcoholic is concerned. Consciously or unconsciously the alcoholic is projecting an image of self-hatred against the other person. If it is met by angry, hostile attacks it is thereby verified and the alcoholic’s own mind justifies the former drinking and also now has an additional excuse to drink in the future.


The second weapon of the alcoholic is the ability to arouse anxiety on the part of the family. Thereby they are compelled to do for the alcoholic that which can be done only by the alcoholic if the illness is to be arrested and recovery initiated.

The alcoholic cannot undo what others have already undone. This in reality increases the alcoholic’s sense of failure and guilt and increases the family’s sense of hostility and condemnation if the alcoholic. Thereby the alcoholic is doubly injured. The criticism, scolding and moralizing add to the alcoholic’s guilt and resentment against self and family.

Alcoholics are propelled along the progress of the disease when the family is unable to cope with anxiety aroused by the alcoholic. This is in effect part of the illness. Neither the alcoholic nor his family is able to face realty.

Love and compassion

One of the more serious failures in approaching the alcoholic is the inability to understand the meaning of love. The wife has no right to state, “if you loved me you would not drink”.

Alcohol is an anesthetic. When the alcoholic drinks he anesthetizes his pain. This is the pleasure of alcohol escape. It is a problem-solving device to relieve unpleasantness, anxiety, tension and resentment. When the alcoholic drinks pain is avoided for the time being but pain, tension, anxiety and resentment are increased severely in the family. When the alcoholic drinks pain is avoided for the time being but pain, tension, anxiety and resentment are increased severely in the family. When the alcohokic sobers up there is little desire to suffer the consequences of drinking. Remorse and guilt now compel the – alcoholic to prostrate him self before the family, beggar mercy and promise that it will never happen again. Or the reverse side of the coin may appear, complete unwillingness to discuss what happened. Each attempts to gain the same goal, the avoidance of the consequences of drinking. If the alcoholic succeeds by either means his pain is again avoider or relieved but the family again pays the price of the consequences of drinking.

Love is Destroyed

Love cannot continue to exist in this type of action and interaction. The alcoholic uses alcohol to escape pain by drinking and learns, how to use the family to escape the pain of the consequences. The family suffers when the alcoholic drinks and then suffers the painful consequences also. If the family bears the brunt of the drinking and absorbs its consequences then compassion cannot exist Compassion is bearing with or suffering with a person, not suffering because of the unwillingness of the other person to suffer. If this condition is allowed to continue by the – family, love is gradually destroyed and replaced by fear, resentment and hatred. The only way love can be retained is by family members learning not to suffer when drinking is in progress and refusing to undo the consequences of drinking. Anything less than this is not compassion and only relationship without, justice and compassion is not love.

The traffic result is that alcoholism is thereby encouraged and fear and resentment take over human emotions. This is why family members, especially the next of kin of the alcoholic, need held if the disease is to be arrested and recovery initiated. Other wise the entire family becomes ill emotionally. This condition is but another symptom of the progress of the disease.


The role of parents and teachers in preventing youth from getting into the drug – scene can best the filled by sympathetic understanding of what is going on in their minds in hearts. Even if the parents and teachers are to old to be interested in the new attractions, they must make themselves young enough in thought to share the feelings which these youth have received from the atmosphere around them, – blowing in from all over the world.

A word of warning: sometimes these pressures and desires also come to the parents and teachers tool’. More and more adults have problems which they don’t want to admit, but which cause them to drink, or gamble, or play around in dangerous way, too. You need only count the increasing number of alcoholics and alcohol selling shops, or reflect on the new and important place and “source force” which helps more and more people to buy new land, build new homes, wear clothes they cannot afford, and generally try to impress their friends and relatives with items that are bigger and better.

Especially parents must be aware of how their grown – up children are developing in life. If their studies are weak, if they keep irregular hours and do not easily answer questions about their activity or friends; if they growth in, do not eat, oversleep and are secretive, it is a time for loving, sympathetic seeking to understand rather then harshly criticize. Talk with them about their plans for the future, their interests and how to go about achieving them. Let them share with you the impressions they get from their friends, and how they feel because of these things. Confide in them – the problems which you adults feel too with the strains of modern life in our land- locked, opportunity – locked country.

Common Features of the Family with an Addict Members

The addict is the symptom carrier of the family dysfunction.

The addict helps to maintain family homeostasis.

The addict reinforces the parental need to control and continue parenting, yet he finds such parenting inadequate for his needs.

The addict provides a displaced battlefield so that implicit and explicit parental strife can continue to be denied.

Parental drug, and alcohol above is common and is directly transmitted to the addict or results in – inadequate parenting.

The addict forms cross – generational alliances which separate parents from each other.

Generational boundaries are diffused – there is frequent competition between parents.

Frequently the crisis created by addict is the only was the family gets together and attempts some problem solving, or is the only opportunity for a “deed” family to experience emotions.