If your husband is acting up, you’re probably wondering how you can get him back in line. Here’s some tips that will help you out as you attempt to regain some control:
Nagging Doesn’t Help
Your first natural instinct may be to nag your guy to death about all the ways he’s screwing up. Whatever you do, resist this urge.
Nagging and whining only makes you lose power, not gain it. You can gain power by speaking to him calmly and slowly, making sure to engage eye contact. Use a firm tone but also keep some sex appeal in your voice as this can’t ever hurt.
Doormat or Control Freak?
Are you trying to protect yourself from being a doormat, or are you being a control freak in your marriage? Be honest with yourself and try to figure this question out.
Of course you don’t want to be either of these things; it’s your goal to find the happy balance.
You Can’t Change Him…
Did you marry your husband with the hopes that you could change him and the way he treated you?
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that you can’t ever really change a man. If he behaves a certain way, there’s not much you can do to make him behave differently. The older people get, the less likely it is that their behavior patterns will ever be altered.
…But You Can Demand Respect
Even though you can’t change who your husband is, you can demand respect. As his wife, and even just as a human being, you deserve this bare minimum. In all your personal relationships you should be respected, especially the relationship you have with your husband.
So separate his actions from the things he does that you simply don’t like, from the hurtful things he does that are rude and disrespectful to you. Focus on the disrespectful category, because that’s the type of actions you have a chance at stopping.
Give Him a Taste of His Own Behavior
It may feel a bit like an “I Love Lucy” episode, but it can definitely work no matter how childish it may appear to be.
Pick some of his most selfish, inconsiderate behaviors and do them yourself. If he stays out until 4am with his friends without so much as a phone call or real explanation as to wear he is, then grab your girlfriends and head out for a night of partying without contacting him at all.
Chances are he’ll be shocked and not know how to react, or he may react with harsh jealousy and anger. Calmly explain to him that you didn’t think it would be a bit deal to stay out with your friends until dawn and sleep at a friend’s house, because he does it all the time. You’ll probably anger him greatly, but you’ll also make him think a bit about his own behavior.
Leave for a While
Sometimes you can get a point across to a man simply by leaving. The less details and information you provide, the better. Just tell him you need to go somewhere for a while and go.
This not only gives him time to think about the relationship and its aspects, but it give you a chance to step away and maybe view the big picture instead of being upset about a few smaller things.
How You Say Things is Crucial
It’s probably time to have a conversation with him where you directly state in a mature fashion exactly what you need him to work on in order for the marriage to work. As mentioned above, avoid nagging and whining.
Remain calm and no matter what, don’t fly off the handle and lose your temper. How you verbalize things is much more important than what you actually say, so practice your tone of voice and body language. Your calm voice and ladylike stance is much more effective than the words you choose to use.