Going Bananas – Don’t Slip on the Anxiety

As has become customary in my world – I can almost bet the house – I am going to stumble across one of those topics that wets even the driest of pallets. Today, it happened! For weeks now people from various factions of my life have been preaching the importance of bananas in my world. And for weeks I have been looking at them as though they were crazy. In fact, one of the first banana believers happened to be my grandma D who swears that you can cure everything from Herpes to a dull shine on your dress shoes with the familiar shaped yellow creature. I offer this interlude because it wasn’t until this morning on my way to work that I heard NPR’s Diane Riahm speaking about a magical fruit known to cure everything from high blood pressure to the Duck’s recent woes at quarterback. Thus, as we all seemingly get older, I felt it necessary to share with everyone the benefits of the banana. Where to begin.

Lets start with its medicinal favoritism for warts! Yep, the crazy medicine men of the Umatilla Indian Tribe claim a wart can be cured by placing a piece of the banana’s skin yellow side up on the wart for two days. Wish I would have known this in college.

Outside of its tribal uses banana’s help cure and/or prevent the following aliments: strokes, stress (for more on curing stress seasonal affective disorder, ulcers, weight control, anxiety (really, I’ll show you), shot nerves, itching mosquito bites, morning sickness, heartburn, hangovers, constipation, high blood pressure, anemia, depression and lack of energy.

So, I am left to think–had I just listened to my mother back in the day and ate a banana for breakfast and lunch–I may have not lost all of my hair, inherited a bad back, wrecked my car, lost so many basketball games, had to have so many root canals, seen Timmy for my penicillin shot, spent so much time on the crapper, lost all of my front teeth, and may have overcome my fear of flying.

Its all in the banana…