If you’ve been finding your sex drive leaning more toward catching up on your reading than making love, here are a few suggestions for getting yourself back into the game, but with this caveat before we begin: remember that there’s no single remedy for a decrease in sex drive. There are as many reasons for a sagging libido as there are women who experience it. These are only suggestions for things to try.
Stress Kills Sexual Desire
The most common cause for lagging libido is stress. If you’re tense and uptight about your finances, your kids, your car, or anything else in your life, it’s difficult to relax and simply let yourself enjoy the simple pleasure of having sex. If you find yourself stressed a good deal of the time, you may want to concentrate on letting go and learning to relax.
Fatigue
Another common complaint is simple fatigue. If you find yourself so worn out by the end of the day that you can barely get undressed and get into bed, the chances are good that you won’t have the energy to engage in sex. After all, sex (if it’s done right) takes a certain amount of physical activity. If you’re exhausted at the end of the day, try making love at other times. You might also try dietary supplements, and although it may sound strange, getting more exercise can actually give you more energy. It doesn’t have to be exhausting. Simply walking or riding a bicycle can be enough to help raise your overall energy level.
Boredom
Although we often hate to admit the possibility, after awhile, couples can fall into a lovemaking routine that can become boring, and boredom is a genuine passion killer. To combat boredom, try different positions, different locations, different techniques, and different times of the day. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about spicing up your love life. The chances are that if you’re bored, he might be, too, but was afraid to tell you about it for fear of hurting your feelings.
Relationship Tension
Another difficulty can arise from tension in the relationship itself. If you find yourself at each other’s throats often, it’s difficult to put that tension aside and come together in something as intimate as intercourse. If you think tension is at the root of your problem, the first step is to talk about the problem in a non-threatening way. It’s important not to try to lay blame on anyone. The problem belongs to both of you, so it will take work on both sides to resolve. After you’ve talked, clear the air by making a deliberate effort to be extra-considerate to each other. Take a bath or shower together. If you can, take a short trip that will allow you to stay overnight in a different place. Try to reestablish the magic that brought you together in the first place.
Do List Priority
Low priority: put sex on your “to do list.” Once you put off pleasure, it becomes easier and easier to postpone. Fatigue and stress replace the habit of sex. Once you turn off your sexual switches, it’s hard to turn them back on. Instead of making sexual pleasure the last thing on your “do list,” put it at the top. Label your pleasure with a secret word that prompts you to fantasize–all day long.
Of course, illness and hormonal changes can’t be ruled out, but those are situations best left to your doctor. Regardless of what’s at fault, sex should be considered an important part of your overall relationship, and if you find your interest beginning to wane, it’s time to begin looking for the cause and doing something about it.
Copyright © Claire Carter Haskins