“We just broke up, and he already has a new girlfriend!”
If anything hurts more than an unwanted breakup, it’s losing your ex to someone else. Whether your boyfriend broke up with you in favor of some other girl or he just happened to meet someone while single again, the pain and rejection are equally as bad.
One thing you have to realize right away is that your ex boyfriend has physically moved on. There’s nothing you can really do about this, and the sooner you see that the better off you’ll be. As much as you’d like to jump in your car and try to stop his new relationship from happening, this type of behavior is only going to backfire on you.
Emotionally however? There’s a really good chance that your ex still loves you. Although the act of breaking up might seem sudden, the feelings and emotional attachments developed over the course of your relationship didn’t just disappear into thin air. Your ex still has strong bonds to you… bonds he’s chosen not to deal with in order to move forward and start dating someone else. By playing upon these attachments there are ways of getting your ex to need and want you back in his life again, even if he’s already with a new girlfriend.
Accepting and Waiting Our Your Boyfriend’s Rebound Relationship
Initially, you’re going to need to sit on your hands for a while. When your ex has a new girlfriend, he’s going to idolize her during the honeymoon stages of their new relationship. You already know how this feels, because you had the same thing happen when you and your ex first started dating: those magical few weeks where everything was perfect and neither of you could do anything wrong.
Show up here, and you’ll look foolish and needy. You can’t be angry, you can’t be upset, and you can’t “warn” him not to date this girl no matter how bad you think she is for him. Anything and everything you do to stop your ex’s new relationship will be met with resistance, and your ex will lose tons of respect for you. He knows you’re acting purely out of jealousy, and truth be told, you are.
What To Do When He’s Got a New Girlfriend
So what can you do during this crucial time period? Well, lots of things. For starters, you need to think back to the very origins of the relationship you had with your ex boyfriend, and analyze how you were as a couple. Don’t just remember times and places, try to remember feelings and emotions. Try to recollect how you treated your ex, how you spoke to him, and what your demeanor was like. Also try to remember what he liked about you, because only by recreating those circumstances can make your ex want you back again.
The next thing you need to do is pull out of your downward spiral. Bitterness, rejection, hopelessness, despair… all of these things will weigh you down, further increasing your misery. Think your ex will want you back when he sees you like that? He won’t even be remotely interested. Which is why you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward in ways that make you look confident, independent, calm, cool, and totally collected.
Imagine presenting yourself in the most attractive way possible. Start hitting the gym, get a tan, buy some new clothes… look good, feel great, and do everything you can to knock your ex flat on his ass the next time he sees you. Physically, you want to be at your best. Mentally? Same thing. Put out good vibes – go fun places with friends and family – be happy, charismatic, and someone that everyone wants to be around. All of these great improvements are things you should be doing whether you want your ex boyfriend back or not, so get on them.
Avoiding The Friendship Trap
Some guys will still try and stay in touch with you when they have a new girlfriend. You might think this is a great way to stay in his life, but in reality you become nothing more than a safety net… a backup… a plan ‘B’. Your ex will keep stringing you along while he decides whether his new relationship is working out or not. This isn’t what you want, because it will severely prolong your breakup. And as you hang around waiting for the table scraps of his current romance? It will also erode away your ex’s respect for you.
Seeing and hearing about your ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend will also drive you crazy. You’ll become more and more jaded and nasty toward him, to the point where you almost don’t even want him back. Eventually, even if you did get back together? You’d have sour feelings toward him for the rest of your relationship, and you’d always crucify him for what he did. This would destroy any chance you might have for a healthy, long-term romance, even if you got him again.
Your best bet is to refuse to be friends with an ex who’s dating someone else. Simply tell him you love him too much to enter into a pretend friendship with him. Walk away, and tell him it’s better off if you both do your own thing. This forces your ex to make a choice, and it’s one of the best ways to get him back.