Chains and Whips Excite Me!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me!

-Rihanna, S&M

S&M which stands for sadomasochism or sadism and masochism, a term derived from the works of Marquis de Sade (Sadist viewpoint) and from Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch (Masochist’s viewpoint).

S&M is a popular subject of erotica and is often linked to kinky sex and role playing. Oftentimes, S&M is done with both partners consenting to the act, with a clear idea who will be the sadist and who will be the masochist.

S&M is ideally done with a partner that you trust. Engaging in S&M with a stranger or a person you hardly know is very risky and we highly advice against it.

Before going into S&M with your partner, know each other’s limits, discuss first what you are comfortable doing, the tools you are comfortable with, et cetera. Have a “safe word” so that when you say that “safe word” your partner will know that he or she really needs to stop.

Spanking, biting and bondage are common forms of S&M. Most couples engage in these acts especially during the climax in intercourse.


Instead of the usual light kissing, licking and sucking, go a little further by incorporating bites. A bite on the neck “vampire style” during intercourse can feel very intense. Try gradually increasing the pressure and gauge your partner’s reaction. Biting of the nipples as well as around the breasts can also be very stimulating.


Spanking of the buttocks is quite common practice especially if the couple is sexually engaged in the dog-style position. Try spanking your partner’s vulva; start with light pats and increase pressure. You can do this while orally pleasuring her.

If you have a whip, you can also try to role play flogging. Again, make sure you know your partner’s limits. If you have a handcuff handy, cuff your partner’s hands as you begin the flogging.


This allows one partner to fully submit while the other completely dominates. You can role-play some fantasies such as a rape fantasy wherein the girl is gagged or bound.


Use the hot wax to inflict some pleasurable pain on your partner. For example, the man can be bound or cuffed on the bed the woman is on top. While she is riding the guy, she can pour the hot wax on his chest and press her own body towards the wax before it dries so that both of them can experience it. Or the man can pour it on the woman’s back during sexual intercourse where he is behind her.


Cold can also be bitingly painful but pleasurable at the same time. During intercourse, alternate entering her with the penis and a Popsicle for an intense feeling of biting cold for both partners.

There are many, many situations that one can role play into sex as well as tools and toys that couples can use. Before engaging in S&M, always make sure that both parties are comfortable with it and there is mutual consent. It can be highly off putting for example, when the two of you are having a tender moment and out of nowhere, one suddenly whips out chains and other such paraphernalia.

S&M can spice up most sexual relationships. It adds a sort of alteration to sexual experiences that is almost surreal. There is some misconceptions out there about this sort of play being dark and almost unethical. The simple truth is keeping things interesting in the bedroom will benefit relationships and keep the fireworks flying. You don’t have to tell the world about these experiences, they are private to you and your partner, but don’t feel ashamed of them either.