Having Approach Anxiety, i.e fear of approaching women, is a common experience for almost every man in the world.
It’s one the main reasons for which men feel frustrated when it comes to their success with women.
In other words – most of the men don’t even try to approach women.
Psychological researches suggest several factors for approach anxiety. The most common reason is based on Evolutional Psychology. The theory is that human beings developed through million of years. When the human race lived in tribes of about 30-100 people, approaching the wrong girl or with the wrong tactics, might have been very dangerous. First, because if a woman would think you are a jerk, the other women of the tribe will gossip and think that too, making your chances with women rather unsuccessful. In addition to that, imagine what might happen to a man trying to hit on the wrong woman, perhaps the woman of the tribal leader. It would probably be a great risk, maybe even deadly. The human psychology is adapted for that kind of life, in small tribe. Since prehistory, the world has changed dramatically. But that Approach Anxiety still exists.
Some other reasons for the anxiety might be your negative experiences and your beliefs. For example, if the first girls that you tried to approach rejected you, you might have this belief that approaching women is a bad thing to do. Or maybe your social circle taught you that you can only date friends, and that approaching women you don’t know is inappropriate.
Nevermind what the exact reason for Your Fear is, getting rid, or at least overcoming the approach anxiety, will be a great benefit for you, allowing countless options and opportunities for you. What if you didn’t have any fear at all to approach any woman you like?
Getting Used to Approaching Women The first method, that I also call the Functional Method, means that you need to get used to approaching women that you don’t know. It is based on the fact, that every fear gets weaker, the more you get used to it.
The basics of this method are making small steps, getting used to having conversations with women.
Do you feel anxiety when thinking of approaching women? Begin with small things. For example, while going on the street, say “hello” to girls you see. Just hello. On the next step, ask random girls, just informative questions. You can ask for the time, or for directions.
You will probably still have some degree of anxiety, but it will be weaker, because you are doing just small approaches.
This way you will get used to approaching and talking to women that you don’t know. If you choose desensitizing your fear as your favourite method, I suggest having written records of how and when exactly you approach. This way you will notice your progress and see your improvement.
When you continue progressing with this method, you will need to start approaching women without showing intents. It’s easier. The more you progress, you will feel easy to just open conversation with women.
The Kamikaze Method If the first method we discussed was aiming to desensitize the approach anxiety, slowly and step-by-step, then the Kamikaze is the complete opposite.
In the Kamikaze method, the concept is that in order to overcome your fear, you need to do one very scary thing, just once, and than your fear will be gone for a long time. Kind of a magic pill. What is a “scary thing?”. It depends on you, but it is something that causes you approach anxiety. For example, you can approach some random woman, and tell her that you are very attracted to her looks. Don’t Care about the Results. The only result you need is approaching.
My personal experience showed me that using the Kamikaze Approach can make you feel almost fearless, in just a few seconds.
What you need is just enough confidence for one approach. One scary thing, and you are into the game for the whole day.
In addition, you might tell yourself, “Well, I can approach this girl, I don’t really have to do it”. But No! You actually need to approach a girl that you feel fear of approaching. Otherwise the method will not work.
It works mainly because after doing a scary approach, your body produces specific chemicals and hormones that desensitize your fears immediately. You just won’t feel the fear for at least a few hours.
Using NLP Techniques
NLP is a huge theory and a collection of all kinds of psychological and neurological techniques.
According to NLP, you can’t completely overcome your fears by fighting against them. If you fight against your fear, you can win and overcome it. But it will always be a struggle, and your fear will return. The fear will never disappear.
Instead, NLP suggests a completely different approach to deal with the fear – making in small and weak.
Every person has a different mind, so the technique depends on how you use you mind. Most people are either Visual or Auditory. Visual people mainly “See” the world, and Auditory people mainly “Hear” it. The way your mind functions, determines how you experience the fear.
If you are a visual person, it probably means that when you experience the fear, you visualize (sometimes subconsciously) the negative effects of your approach. You might see the woman rejecting you. Or you might see her slapping your face. Or you might see her friends laughing at you. Because of the fear, you will usually visualize very negative effects.
How do you eliminate the fear? NLP suggests that we just change the video that we visualize. Let’s say that you see the woman rejecting you. Try to close your eyes. Now, when she is rejecting you, imagine that her skirt falls down and you see her panties. Or imagine that her nose grows extremely bigger. Make it some funny situation. The more you practice changing the video, the weaker you fear will be.
What about auditory people? Just change the sounds. For example, if you are auditory, your fear might be experienced by hearing voices, such as “No, she is going to reject me”. “I can never succeed with that kind of girl…”. So, what you need to do is change the tone of the voice. Make it sound childish. or gay. It immediately eliminates the effect of the fear. It might even make you laugh.
NLP is a great method not only to deal with fears, but also to conversations and interpersonal communication. I personally suggest that you try to learn some other NLP models for your development and success in life.
What is the best method to Overcome the Fear of Approach? There is no best method. Every man has his own personality and his own fears. Try experimenting with all 3 methods. Choose the one that is best for you.
After overcoming your approach anxiety, you can now concentrate on improving your conversations and interactions with women. I suggest that you practice approaching girls that you don’t know.
And remember, your chances with women will improve drastically if you only overcome your fears. Most men don’t even dare to try.